my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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