did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
