ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
