I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
