sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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