Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
