I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
