guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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