So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
