so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
