This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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