I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
