i just had sex bonerless
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
