the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
