Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
