The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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