i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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