I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
