If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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