now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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