Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
