i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
