turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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