Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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