Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
