hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
