you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
A+ Viking dick
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
