my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
