Having a random hookup so left but love u
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Randomize
