I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
