did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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