the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
