I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
