You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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