It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
