Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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