Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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