I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
