So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
