He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
