ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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