just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
