If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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