Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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