Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
