In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
