planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
