Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's official drugs can't kill me
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
did you just send me my own nude
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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