maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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