What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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