He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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