Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
