She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
