That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
