As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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