I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she looked like the before picture.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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